Life Dump | Feeling Unworthy

Today I feel sad. I feel sad because my best friend from high school dropped me out of her life like I was nothing over a disagreement.

Today I feel hurt. Other friends of mine from high school would appear to not be talking to me. (Admittedly, this is just my perspective, and admittedly, I didn’t expect to be welcomed back in the same way, but did a quick hi ever hurt anyone?).

Today I feel lonely. I have lunch plans with my mom. This will be the first time I’ve eaten lunch with someone since school started, and I love my mother, but doesn’t it just kind of stink when she’s the only person willing to make plans with you?

Today I feel longing. I want to be back in Louisiana. I crave it. I want to be with my friends, my adopted family. Here is good, but it will never be there.

Today I feel like crying. I didn’t get the job I needed to pay for my gas and textbooks.

Today I feel appreciated. My little sister got me Waffle House as a thank you for taking her to school and getting her breakfast in the mornings.

Today the bad outweighs the good. And I can’t help but wonder. Is all of this happening to me because of who I am? Did my friends leave me, did I have to move back, did I not get the job just because I am me and I will never be good enough? My sister thanked me, but taking her to school is something I enjoy doing, certainly not a chore.

And perhaps today my biggest struggle is fighting off those very feelings of unworthiness. My identity is not in me, but in Christ.┬áThose feelings of just not being good enough, not being worthy, those aren’t me. Christ cleaned me up, made me good enough, made me worthy, when His blood washed over me. Not because of anything I will ever be able to do, or say. But because I accepted Him. And in His eyes, the only eyes that matter, I am loved. I am accepted. I always have open arms to run to when I need a hug. I have reassurance that His plan is better even if I’m in a rough patch at the moment. I am always appreciated.

Today I feel a lot of swirling emotions. But every day I am God’s child, and every day I never have to worry about who I am or my worth. In God’s eyes, I’m worth gold.